Lessons from the East XXI: The Science and Psychology of Gossip
30 Dec 2022 14:38:24
Why do people Gossip?
Is gossiping really bad?
What gossip does, to the gossiper?
An Apologue
Many centuries ago, there used to be a noble, just and kindhearted king who served his people. He believed in the irrevocable and irreplaceable Karma Chakra.
For him, every action he undertook, was meant to benefit others, then himself. He was also a devout devotee of Lord Vishnu, who is the Palak or caretaker or custodian of the Universe.
On every 11th lunar day or popularly known as Ekadashi, he would fast from the grains and would pray to Lord Vishnu.
On the 12th Lunar Day or Dwadashi, he would have an early bath in the pious waters of the nearby river and then pray to Lord Vishnu in the City Temple. There he would invite the needy to have food and he would serve food to every person with his own hands. After feeding the disadvantaged he would then eat the same food as offered to the others to break his fast as the Prasadam or as the grace of the god.
He followed this ritual for decades and would not miss this custom for anything.
Once on a Dwadashi day, after offering prayers and food to Lord Vishnu in the temple, the King was offering food to the needy. Suddenly something dropped in the food of a needy person who was being served by the King. The beggar or the needy ate the food and collapsed. The King’s men took the person to the nearby Vaidya (medical practitioner) but he died.
Seeing this incident, other beggars who were sitting beside the needy who collapsed, got up and left. Witnessing this chaos, the remainder left as well and the word spread across the kingdom that the King is serving poisonous food and no one should eat food served by the King.
Soon this rumour and gossip reached the ears of the king and the King got upset and unsettled with the entire sequence of events. He immediately ordered an inquiry about the reason for the death of the person as well as the whereabouts of the person who cooked the food in the king’s kitchen.
The Vaidya (doctor) who inspected the needy in question, told the King that the reason for death is poison and the beggar consumed the poisonous food due to which he died. The King summoned the cook.
The cook presented himself in front of the King and pledged and swore that he has been making the most nutritious and delicious food, especially on Dwadashi day as he knew that food first will be offered to Lord Vishnu and then to the needy and then the King himself will consume the same food. Hence, he always took special care of everything while preparing the food on Dwadashi day.
The King was in a dilemma as to who was responsible for the beggar's death. Since the King believed strongly in the Law of Deeds or Karma, he came to the conclusion that the ultimate responsibility for the death of the beggar lies with him. Thinking that he sought penance from the almighty. But he was not convinced.
With confusion, guilt and chaos in mind, he prayed and remembered Lord Vishnu and pleaded with him to show the direction.
Whilst praying, the King fell off to sleep.
When the King was in deep sleep, Lord Vishnu appeared in the king's dreams and recommended that he should speak with the Yamaraj about - how the death of the beggar had happened. Furthermore, he said, he is the one who will guide him to the salvation of this sin.
In the dream, the King prayed to Yamaraj. After 108 chants of the Yama Gayatri mantra, the God of Death appeared, in the king’s dreams. The king asked Yamaraj the same question - Yamaraj, how the death of the beggar happened and how he can seek salvation for this sin.
Yamraj narrated the entire episode - While the King was serving the food to the beggar, there was an eagle flying in the sky. The eagle spotted a snake and picked it up with its claws and flew back into the sky. As the Eagle flew into the Sky, the snake tried to release the claw grip and attacked the claws of the eagle with its venomous teeth.
Unfortunately, some drops of venom fell into the food of the beggar. Beggar unknowingly ate it and died.
Yamaraj further mentioned that the beggar's life was supposed to end here and this sequence of events led to the end of the beggar.
The King said since an incident happened and thus there will be reactions and repercussions to it.
Who is supposed to bear or will be responsible for the repercussions of the incident that occurred?
King asked - Am I responsible as I invited the beggar for food, or is it the eagle or the snake or the cook, who cooked the food?
Yamaraj replied, I am the god of death, and you have to ask this question from Shani Dev (divine personification of the planet Saturn) as he is the god of justice, retribution and Karma (deeds), and delivers results depending upon one's thoughts, speech, and deeds (all of it makes Karma).
The King prayed to Lord Shani and Shani dev appeared in the King's dream. The King asked the same question from Shani Dev, Who will bear the repercussions of the act done in the temple?
Shani Dev smiled and said, "O mighty King, you were performing your Dharma (the righteous duty) by feeding the poor before breaking your fast.
The eagle was performing its Dharma to hunt for food for its existence, the cook was performing his Dharma by preparing nutritious and healthy food for everyone selflessly and the snake was performing its Dharma to save its life from the eagle. So none of you is responsible for the incident that occurred and thus none of you will face the repercussions of the death of the beggar."
However, the person sitting next to the beggar without knowing the true facts spread the rumours that the King is serving poisonous food. Due to his rumours and gossip, the hungry and the destitute have avoided seeking food from the king and from the Kingdom and are suffering. The gossiper thus is culpable and will face the outcome.
The Moral of this story is that Rumour-mongering or gossiping are hazardous. Despite this fact in the modern day, the rumours have reached the next level and they get institutionalized.
Institutionalization of Gossip & Rumours
An illustration - Person A hears something without having a context of it and quotes it in a forum. Publication B prints it as it heard from Person A. Publication C then reprint it based on publication B’s point of view. Multiple media personnel and institutions in various formats then use the information reprinted by Publication C to further spread the rumours or misinformation or gossip.
When asked for the source of information from Publication B, Publication B cites or quotes Publication C and when asked about the source from Publication C, the source is Publication B. This is how a small rumour, a small gossip, or a small perception gets institutionalized and is popularly known as circular reporting.
The Psychology of Gossip
"A lie will go round the world while the truth is putting its boots on"
This quote comes from literature written in 1859 and once Mark Twain the famous American Writer and humorist used and today most media quote this quote as Mark Twain's ones.
There are two concepts that substantiate People's gossiping habits-
1. Self-affirmation Bias - Self-affirmation theory brings about the fact that people are motivated to maintain a positive self-view and that threats to perceived self-competence are met with resistance.
In other words, if something is mentioned against or someone speaks against one’s own beliefs or worldview or questions one's capability about oneself, one feels threatened and thus if one can’t confront with rationality or logic or situation or on account of other having excessive power, one starts bitching or gossiping about the other person, the situation or the event.
2. Illusory truth Effect - This effect is a general tendency in humans to believe something is true after being exposed to it multiple times. Even if one is brought with a new perspective or truth, as against a set of lies to which one is exposed, the lies often remain embedded in one's mind as truth.
As soon as one is exposed to the real truth, one starts feeling hostile towards it and thus reacts in a manner to have a Self-protective point of view.
Let me explain this via an example – In a social gathering, generally, parents want their young children to behave properly and they are fine if the child behaves erratically at home. The reason is that bad behaviour in public portrays a poor image of the parents and not the child.
The parents may be perceived as bad parents, who are not raising the children well, thus tarnishing and threatening the Self-Affirmation Bias. If the child behaves erratically in a particular social event, the gossip starts from both sides. Justification & Criticism in hush-hush tones.
The gossip from the parents' side will be that their child is very well-behaved, but due to the negativity of the party or the bad people in the party or poor arrangement of the party, the child misbehaved.
On the other hand, the guests will label the child as troublesome and this incident will circulate as gossip on various occasions referring indirectly to the capability of the parents.
A new angle
Imagine there is another child of the neighbours and he was well-behaved through the party, but every night he throws tantrums at home. However, on various social occasions, the good behaviour of the neighbour’s child will be quoted by different people, giving false credit to the child's parents despite the child being notorious. This is the case of the Illusory Truth effect.
The question yet remains: Why do people gossip?
In Vedic philosophy, it is called Buddhi Dosha (the challenges in the mind and thinking that creates problems).
Gossip is caused by two of them
1. Dwesham or Jealousy – The seed of Dwesham germinates from comparison with others and ignoring the very fact of the Uniqueness and unique abilities of every human or every element or every living thing created by nature.
2. Heen Bhav or Inferiority Complex – It comes when one focuses only on one’s shortcomings than on one's strengths. The beauty of nature is that the Universe has gifted special abilities to everyone depending on the environment one is in.
The Cactus has a shape that can survive and remain green even in the midst of a desert with no water, while Pothos plants survive in excess water or in constant flooding, where other plants perish.
Another challenge - why one starts gossiping is a Lack of empathy.
When another one makes an error, society or people label the person as having a defect in character; however when the same situation happens to oneself, one justifies it due to a defect in circumstances or situation.
If one reuses the above example, of another child behaving badly, the aspersions are put like poor parenting etc. Whilst if one’s own child is behaving badly, it’s categorized as the child not having slept well or is under the weather.
Also, people who tend to talk more, gravitate to find faults in others' character or nature as they always want listeners around them which reflects the mechanism of attention seeking. The more the person sensationalizes the event, the more ears one gets.
Why is Gossiping Bad for Gossipers?
The trigger of Gossip generally gets initiated on predominantly 3 innate factors (some mentioned above):
1. The need to share something
2. On account of a mismatch of expectations and Outcomes,
3. Frustration caused by an event, incident or behaviour.
The ones who constantly desire to be at the center of attention and have a constant urge to share something, miss out on the fact they are not perceived as trustworthy.
In other words, the gossiper is never trusted with any secrets or viewpoints as one believes if Gossiper is gossiping about someone else with oneself, the gossiper will similarly gossip about oneself with someone else.
Expectation mismatches can happen on account of –
(a) One being biased while allocating the awards or
(b) The other party not being worthy of such rewards.
In both scenarios, perception and ability can change if one starts working on oneself. When one gossip, one loses the anger, angst or trigger to change. The fizz of anger comes out in words and one draws back to being average.
Mahabharata, Santi Parv, Chapter 215, Verse 10 and 11 focus on the pertinence of Speech and suggest avoiding Gossip.
Here, Bheeshma Pitamah gives advice to King Yudhishtira and says,
"Those who have the vision of the Subtle Principles of Dharma speak words that are truthful and devoid of violence and calumny. The words are free of defects such as hypocrisy, harshness, cruelty and backbiting. These words be spoken sparingly and with a stable mind."
Thus Siddhartha Rastogi says, Gossip is like a snake, if one breeds them thinking ill and evil for the neighbour, the same will bite oneself without one even being aware of it.
Is gossiping really bad?
What gossip does, to the gossiper?
An Apologue
Many centuries ago, there used to be a noble, just and kindhearted king who served his people. He believed in the irrevocable and irreplaceable Karma Chakra.
For him, every action he undertook, was meant to benefit others, then himself. He was also a devout devotee of Lord Vishnu, who is the Palak or caretaker or custodian of the Universe.
On every 11th lunar day or popularly known as Ekadashi, he would fast from the grains and would pray to Lord Vishnu.
On the 12th Lunar Day or Dwadashi, he would have an early bath in the pious waters of the nearby river and then pray to Lord Vishnu in the City Temple. There he would invite the needy to have food and he would serve food to every person with his own hands. After feeding the disadvantaged he would then eat the same food as offered to the others to break his fast as the Prasadam or as the grace of the god.
He followed this ritual for decades and would not miss this custom for anything.
Once on a Dwadashi day, after offering prayers and food to Lord Vishnu in the temple, the King was offering food to the needy. Suddenly something dropped in the food of a needy person who was being served by the King. The beggar or the needy ate the food and collapsed. The King’s men took the person to the nearby Vaidya (medical practitioner) but he died.
Seeing this incident, other beggars who were sitting beside the needy who collapsed, got up and left. Witnessing this chaos, the remainder left as well and the word spread across the kingdom that the King is serving poisonous food and no one should eat food served by the King.
Soon this rumour and gossip reached the ears of the king and the King got upset and unsettled with the entire sequence of events. He immediately ordered an inquiry about the reason for the death of the person as well as the whereabouts of the person who cooked the food in the king’s kitchen.
The Vaidya (doctor) who inspected the needy in question, told the King that the reason for death is poison and the beggar consumed the poisonous food due to which he died. The King summoned the cook.
The cook presented himself in front of the King and pledged and swore that he has been making the most nutritious and delicious food, especially on Dwadashi day as he knew that food first will be offered to Lord Vishnu and then to the needy and then the King himself will consume the same food. Hence, he always took special care of everything while preparing the food on Dwadashi day.
The King was in a dilemma as to who was responsible for the beggar's death. Since the King believed strongly in the Law of Deeds or Karma, he came to the conclusion that the ultimate responsibility for the death of the beggar lies with him. Thinking that he sought penance from the almighty. But he was not convinced.
With confusion, guilt and chaos in mind, he prayed and remembered Lord Vishnu and pleaded with him to show the direction.
Whilst praying, the King fell off to sleep.
When the King was in deep sleep, Lord Vishnu appeared in the king's dreams and recommended that he should speak with the Yamaraj about - how the death of the beggar had happened. Furthermore, he said, he is the one who will guide him to the salvation of this sin.
In the dream, the King prayed to Yamaraj. After 108 chants of the Yama Gayatri mantra, the God of Death appeared, in the king’s dreams. The king asked Yamaraj the same question - Yamaraj, how the death of the beggar happened and how he can seek salvation for this sin.
Yamraj narrated the entire episode - While the King was serving the food to the beggar, there was an eagle flying in the sky. The eagle spotted a snake and picked it up with its claws and flew back into the sky. As the Eagle flew into the Sky, the snake tried to release the claw grip and attacked the claws of the eagle with its venomous teeth.
Unfortunately, some drops of venom fell into the food of the beggar. Beggar unknowingly ate it and died.
Yamaraj further mentioned that the beggar's life was supposed to end here and this sequence of events led to the end of the beggar.
The King said since an incident happened and thus there will be reactions and repercussions to it.
Who is supposed to bear or will be responsible for the repercussions of the incident that occurred?
King asked - Am I responsible as I invited the beggar for food, or is it the eagle or the snake or the cook, who cooked the food?
Yamaraj replied, I am the god of death, and you have to ask this question from Shani Dev (divine personification of the planet Saturn) as he is the god of justice, retribution and Karma (deeds), and delivers results depending upon one's thoughts, speech, and deeds (all of it makes Karma).
The King prayed to Lord Shani and Shani dev appeared in the King's dream. The King asked the same question from Shani Dev, Who will bear the repercussions of the act done in the temple?
Shani Dev smiled and said, "O mighty King, you were performing your Dharma (the righteous duty) by feeding the poor before breaking your fast.
The eagle was performing its Dharma to hunt for food for its existence, the cook was performing his Dharma by preparing nutritious and healthy food for everyone selflessly and the snake was performing its Dharma to save its life from the eagle. So none of you is responsible for the incident that occurred and thus none of you will face the repercussions of the death of the beggar."
However, the person sitting next to the beggar without knowing the true facts spread the rumours that the King is serving poisonous food. Due to his rumours and gossip, the hungry and the destitute have avoided seeking food from the king and from the Kingdom and are suffering. The gossiper thus is culpable and will face the outcome.
The Moral of this story is that Rumour-mongering or gossiping are hazardous. Despite this fact in the modern day, the rumours have reached the next level and they get institutionalized.
Institutionalization of Gossip & Rumours
An illustration - Person A hears something without having a context of it and quotes it in a forum. Publication B prints it as it heard from Person A. Publication C then reprint it based on publication B’s point of view. Multiple media personnel and institutions in various formats then use the information reprinted by Publication C to further spread the rumours or misinformation or gossip.
When asked for the source of information from Publication B, Publication B cites or quotes Publication C and when asked about the source from Publication C, the source is Publication B. This is how a small rumour, a small gossip, or a small perception gets institutionalized and is popularly known as circular reporting.
The Psychology of Gossip
"A lie will go round the world while the truth is putting its boots on"
This quote comes from literature written in 1859 and once Mark Twain the famous American Writer and humorist used and today most media quote this quote as Mark Twain's ones.
There are two concepts that substantiate People's gossiping habits-
1. Self-affirmation Bias - Self-affirmation theory brings about the fact that people are motivated to maintain a positive self-view and that threats to perceived self-competence are met with resistance.
In other words, if something is mentioned against or someone speaks against one’s own beliefs or worldview or questions one's capability about oneself, one feels threatened and thus if one can’t confront with rationality or logic or situation or on account of other having excessive power, one starts bitching or gossiping about the other person, the situation or the event.
2. Illusory truth Effect - This effect is a general tendency in humans to believe something is true after being exposed to it multiple times. Even if one is brought with a new perspective or truth, as against a set of lies to which one is exposed, the lies often remain embedded in one's mind as truth.
As soon as one is exposed to the real truth, one starts feeling hostile towards it and thus reacts in a manner to have a Self-protective point of view.
Let me explain this via an example – In a social gathering, generally, parents want their young children to behave properly and they are fine if the child behaves erratically at home. The reason is that bad behaviour in public portrays a poor image of the parents and not the child.
The parents may be perceived as bad parents, who are not raising the children well, thus tarnishing and threatening the Self-Affirmation Bias. If the child behaves erratically in a particular social event, the gossip starts from both sides. Justification & Criticism in hush-hush tones.
The gossip from the parents' side will be that their child is very well-behaved, but due to the negativity of the party or the bad people in the party or poor arrangement of the party, the child misbehaved.
On the other hand, the guests will label the child as troublesome and this incident will circulate as gossip on various occasions referring indirectly to the capability of the parents.
A new angle
Imagine there is another child of the neighbours and he was well-behaved through the party, but every night he throws tantrums at home. However, on various social occasions, the good behaviour of the neighbour’s child will be quoted by different people, giving false credit to the child's parents despite the child being notorious. This is the case of the Illusory Truth effect.
The question yet remains: Why do people gossip?
In Vedic philosophy, it is called Buddhi Dosha (the challenges in the mind and thinking that creates problems).
Gossip is caused by two of them
1. Dwesham or Jealousy – The seed of Dwesham germinates from comparison with others and ignoring the very fact of the Uniqueness and unique abilities of every human or every element or every living thing created by nature.
2. Heen Bhav or Inferiority Complex – It comes when one focuses only on one’s shortcomings than on one's strengths. The beauty of nature is that the Universe has gifted special abilities to everyone depending on the environment one is in.
The Cactus has a shape that can survive and remain green even in the midst of a desert with no water, while Pothos plants survive in excess water or in constant flooding, where other plants perish.
Another challenge - why one starts gossiping is a Lack of empathy.
When another one makes an error, society or people label the person as having a defect in character; however when the same situation happens to oneself, one justifies it due to a defect in circumstances or situation.
If one reuses the above example, of another child behaving badly, the aspersions are put like poor parenting etc. Whilst if one’s own child is behaving badly, it’s categorized as the child not having slept well or is under the weather.
Also, people who tend to talk more, gravitate to find faults in others' character or nature as they always want listeners around them which reflects the mechanism of attention seeking. The more the person sensationalizes the event, the more ears one gets.
Why is Gossiping Bad for Gossipers?
The trigger of Gossip generally gets initiated on predominantly 3 innate factors (some mentioned above):
1. The need to share something
2. On account of a mismatch of expectations and Outcomes,
3. Frustration caused by an event, incident or behaviour.
The ones who constantly desire to be at the center of attention and have a constant urge to share something, miss out on the fact they are not perceived as trustworthy.
In other words, the gossiper is never trusted with any secrets or viewpoints as one believes if Gossiper is gossiping about someone else with oneself, the gossiper will similarly gossip about oneself with someone else.
Expectation mismatches can happen on account of –
(a) One being biased while allocating the awards or
(b) The other party not being worthy of such rewards.
In both scenarios, perception and ability can change if one starts working on oneself. When one gossip, one loses the anger, angst or trigger to change. The fizz of anger comes out in words and one draws back to being average.
Mahabharata, Santi Parv, Chapter 215, Verse 10 and 11 focus on the pertinence of Speech and suggest avoiding Gossip.
Here, Bheeshma Pitamah gives advice to King Yudhishtira and says,
"Those who have the vision of the Subtle Principles of Dharma speak words that are truthful and devoid of violence and calumny. The words are free of defects such as hypocrisy, harshness, cruelty and backbiting. These words be spoken sparingly and with a stable mind."
Thus Siddhartha Rastogi says, Gossip is like a snake, if one breeds them thinking ill and evil for the neighbour, the same will bite oneself without one even being aware of it.