Cost of a Child
NewsBharati 04-Jul-2023 14:46:14 PM
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Nature is so powerfully beautiful. To produce a child, for a man and a woman it doesn’t cost anything- you don’t have to pay your god and you could get a child in a cave in the Stone Age or in a thatched hut say 5000 years ago. Gradually there were medical advancements and the delivery process became safer for mother and the child. It added to the cost of child birth too, a little - that is all.
Just five or six decades back, most married couples had four or five children. They stayed in a normal home- nothing elaborate - , all kids had just the minimum clothes reasonably good food and schooling. The children shared clothes, shared rooms even beds. One garment was passed down to the younger sibling and no one had any problems. No tantrums, no rona dhona. Homes had maximum one or two toilettes and every one lived happily thereafter- with whatever they had. Fans and water coolers were the only luxury which they could afford. Never heard of privacy or my space kind of stuff. Cousins came unannounced and several of them with Mausis and chachi’s, and surprisingly every one fitted in the same house. It was a home not a house! Cozy. Refrigerators were not considered essential items, most homes never had. Kids and parents had earthen ware (matka) for storing and cooling water to drink. No one had any water purifiers. One could drink straight from the tap and even a hand pump. People were strong and to an extent tough and kids didn’t fall sick easily- they were rough and tough.
You fall down, get hurt, no problems, use tincture Iodine or Dettol and move on. Use Iodex for any swelling or a balm for headache and it worked- wonders. Boys and girls went to school mostly walking a few miles was nothing to bother them- it was in fact fun- and very few had the luxury of a cycle. During rains kids waited under a tree as only few had umbrellas. Kids preferred sleeping in the open on roof top or in the open space outside the house at night. Children rolled up and picked up cotton mattresses and cushions, bed sheets to make their beds and the reverse was done in the morning. They did this for parents too, and were happy doing it. It was fun and a bit of work and sharing as well as caring. Also respect and love for the parents in their own humble way- they cared.
No elaborate equipment for games or dancing. One football and an open field with make shift goals of stone heaps was great. No Zumba Fumba, no audio system- just dance on the radio music on fixed programs- date and time was fixed- like ‘A date with you’ or ‘the forces request’. And kids danced like hell. Schools, even private schools were affordable. Fifty bucks was the maximum fee per month for the best convent school even in Delhi. Parents earned in hundreds and a four figure salary which started at Rs. 1000/- per month could be the talk of the town.
Kids shared comics, novels, sweets, toffees and toys which they had in limited numbers. ‘Thoda thaa paar kafee thaa’. Parents never oozed out with artificial love. Never heard any one saying ‘I love you’ but kids knew they were loved by parents. Parents respected teachers and ensured kids did the same. Value based living.
Those were the days.
I don’t know when and how the privacy bug arrived. Personal space, ‘I need Space’ were the new buzz words. “Share” was a new word on the circuit. Earlier we gave but never shared. Can you give me your ball to play, turned to can you share your toy with me- Oh my god how sophisticated!
Mothers became fussier than the kids. How can my daughter give her expensive toy (A Lego) to your son? We never heard the term expensive as we never had anything expensive but we had good things which made us feel good- and that is what was important. Happiness and emotions have no price tag we learnt early.
The mothers and fathers were the he rat and the she rat who made the little guy a little rich rat. DISK- Double Income Single KID- was something one just doesn’t remember about its unannounced arrival on the modern scene. Now it was a problem to maintain even one kid with salary of mother and father both! Two was impossible. The planning started much in advance and in all seriousness, ‘we are planning to start a family’! (AS if planning operation Over Lord to cross the English Channel and launch an attack on German fortifications on the beaches of Normandy, to free France). Our grandmothers would faint if they heard that. They had five kids in a small house and all kids did fine in life with a rollicking child hood. Big family’s big hearts. In Punjab it is called ‘Tabbar’. What is special about your lone kid?
Finances are the first thing to be discussed while ‘planning’ a child. Can we afford a child at this stage of our careers? No way; I want the best for my child, goes the rant. A four year old has no clue of what he is wearing but the mom sure does. A ‘chanel’ or a Doice & Gabanna or a ‘Catimini’ a kid doesn’t know nor does he care- the guy wants a simple candy to suck, and would be happy- now parents suck instead.
Pamper was another term that was not heard in the good old days. Today it is in fashion. Big way. Especially pampering a wife! OMG.
The success rate is not 100% in such cases- IVF, yet you were lucky to get a bull’s eye. Now you start worrying about the nanny and other paraphernalia.
Schooling- and you want the best- he/she is your only child. Top boarding schools cost upward of a lack per month. Good schools in a metro cost around 12,000 per month with books etc. All this adds to the cost to the couple, (As you cost to the Company-CTC- you work for.)
Very close by there are people not so rich, they send kids to good but not great schools but their kids get values at home from parents, time, and love- this cannot be measured in bucks.
“If from infancy you treat children as gods, they are liable in adulthood to act as devils.” ― P.D. James
At an arm's distance there could be gold
It is pure natural gold that actually makes a good human being- not his expensive clothes or brands he can show off to others and pose to be great without being any good.
Bucks can start and stop anywhere but values and sanskars start at home- you can’t outsource these like IVF or by surrogating. Let us do something about it right now. Stop aping the west; there is a lot to learn from your own motherland. We have a great value system don’t barter it for a western haughty one. You will regret soon. Or already regretting? Huh!
The good old days
Just five or six decades back, most married couples had four or five children. They stayed in a normal home- nothing elaborate - , all kids had just the minimum clothes reasonably good food and schooling. The children shared clothes, shared rooms even beds. One garment was passed down to the younger sibling and no one had any problems. No tantrums, no rona dhona. Homes had maximum one or two toilettes and every one lived happily thereafter- with whatever they had. Fans and water coolers were the only luxury which they could afford. Never heard of privacy or my space kind of stuff. Cousins came unannounced and several of them with Mausis and chachi’s, and surprisingly every one fitted in the same house. It was a home not a house! Cozy. Refrigerators were not considered essential items, most homes never had. Kids and parents had earthen ware (matka) for storing and cooling water to drink. No one had any water purifiers. One could drink straight from the tap and even a hand pump. People were strong and to an extent tough and kids didn’t fall sick easily- they were rough and tough.
You fall down, get hurt, no problems, use tincture Iodine or Dettol and move on. Use Iodex for any swelling or a balm for headache and it worked- wonders. Boys and girls went to school mostly walking a few miles was nothing to bother them- it was in fact fun- and very few had the luxury of a cycle. During rains kids waited under a tree as only few had umbrellas. Kids preferred sleeping in the open on roof top or in the open space outside the house at night. Children rolled up and picked up cotton mattresses and cushions, bed sheets to make their beds and the reverse was done in the morning. They did this for parents too, and were happy doing it. It was fun and a bit of work and sharing as well as caring. Also respect and love for the parents in their own humble way- they cared.
No elaborate equipment for games or dancing. One football and an open field with make shift goals of stone heaps was great. No Zumba Fumba, no audio system- just dance on the radio music on fixed programs- date and time was fixed- like ‘A date with you’ or ‘the forces request’. And kids danced like hell. Schools, even private schools were affordable. Fifty bucks was the maximum fee per month for the best convent school even in Delhi. Parents earned in hundreds and a four figure salary which started at Rs. 1000/- per month could be the talk of the town.
Kids shared comics, novels, sweets, toffees and toys which they had in limited numbers. ‘Thoda thaa paar kafee thaa’. Parents never oozed out with artificial love. Never heard any one saying ‘I love you’ but kids knew they were loved by parents. Parents respected teachers and ensured kids did the same. Value based living.
Those were the days.
“Children will not remember you for the material things you provided but for the feeling that you cherished them.” ― Richard L. Evans
Circus starts now
I don’t know when and how the privacy bug arrived. Personal space, ‘I need Space’ were the new buzz words. “Share” was a new word on the circuit. Earlier we gave but never shared. Can you give me your ball to play, turned to can you share your toy with me- Oh my god how sophisticated!
Mothers became fussier than the kids. How can my daughter give her expensive toy (A Lego) to your son? We never heard the term expensive as we never had anything expensive but we had good things which made us feel good- and that is what was important. Happiness and emotions have no price tag we learnt early.
The mothers and fathers were the he rat and the she rat who made the little guy a little rich rat. DISK- Double Income Single KID- was something one just doesn’t remember about its unannounced arrival on the modern scene. Now it was a problem to maintain even one kid with salary of mother and father both! Two was impossible. The planning started much in advance and in all seriousness, ‘we are planning to start a family’! (AS if planning operation Over Lord to cross the English Channel and launch an attack on German fortifications on the beaches of Normandy, to free France). Our grandmothers would faint if they heard that. They had five kids in a small house and all kids did fine in life with a rollicking child hood. Big family’s big hearts. In Punjab it is called ‘Tabbar’. What is special about your lone kid?
Finances are the first thing to be discussed while ‘planning’ a child. Can we afford a child at this stage of our careers? No way; I want the best for my child, goes the rant. A four year old has no clue of what he is wearing but the mom sure does. A ‘chanel’ or a Doice & Gabanna or a ‘Catimini’ a kid doesn’t know nor does he care- the guy wants a simple candy to suck, and would be happy- now parents suck instead.
Pamper was another term that was not heard in the good old days. Today it is in fashion. Big way. Especially pampering a wife! OMG.
As finances fall in place the time is running out. Nature is kind but can be cruel if you mess with it. Bio clock is ticking as you are counting your bucks! You reach a point of no return- your buck stops here- and then go for another therapy- IVF; which can cost a substantial sum. It is all adding up to cost of the guy who has yet not been conceived. You thought you were smart guys but you may not be that smart after all.
Oh you are Lucky
The success rate is not 100% in such cases- IVF, yet you were lucky to get a bull’s eye. Now you start worrying about the nanny and other paraphernalia.
Schooling- and you want the best- he/she is your only child. Top boarding schools cost upward of a lack per month. Good schools in a metro cost around 12,000 per month with books etc. All this adds to the cost to the couple, (As you cost to the Company-CTC- you work for.)
Very close by there are people not so rich, they send kids to good but not great schools but their kids get values at home from parents, time, and love- this cannot be measured in bucks.
“If from infancy you treat children as gods, they are liable in adulthood to act as devils.” ― P.D. James
At an arm's distance there could be gold
It is pure natural gold that actually makes a good human being- not his expensive clothes or brands he can show off to others and pose to be great without being any good.
Bucks can start and stop anywhere but values and sanskars start at home- you can’t outsource these like IVF or by surrogating. Let us do something about it right now. Stop aping the west; there is a lot to learn from your own motherland. We have a great value system don’t barter it for a western haughty one. You will regret soon. Or already regretting? Huh!
‘Throughout history, we have only moved forward when society has distinguished between traditional values and valueless traditions.’- Jared Polis
Virender Kapoor
A thinker, educationist and an inspirational guru. Kapoor is an Indian who wears many hats. An educationist of repute, he was the Director of a prestigious management Institute under the Symbiosis umbrella. He has emerged as a leading think tank in human behavior, motivation and success. As a celebrity author, his name appears with the likes of Thomas Friedman and Dale Carnegie. He has authored more than 30 books as of now which are on Amazon worldwide and several of his books are in the pipeline.