Live in Relationship : A new Ashram of life?
As a Grihasta ashrami (Household Life) one gets married and builds a family. A Grihastha or a Grihini must create wealth, spend, invest and donate it. A householder should protect and nourish family members (wife, children, and elders), educate the children and give charity.
NewsBharati 26-Apr-2023 16:28:02 PM
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The Hindu society divides the life of men and women in four stages, called Ashram. These are - Student life (Brahmacharya Ashram), proffessional & married life (Gruhestha Ashram), Retired life (Vanaprastha Ashram) and lastly the Sannyas Ashram. The roles and responsibilites of each individual are defined by this institution.
- what will be the role of each person within this new family? What will be their duties towards the family?
- how will they interact with the children they adopt / have? What will be the role of each parent?
The issue of same sex marriage brings up more questions than answers. For it is not just two people who are involved but their interaction with the rest of the society, and the role that this unit will play in the jigsaw puzzle of our culture.
A Brahmachari is expected to live a celibate life. The student should live a simple life, free from sense pleasure and perform the chores at the Gurukul. The focus should be on learning, and study. The goal in this stage is to develop the mind and body to become a good citizen.
As a Grihasta ashrami (Household Life) one gets married and builds a family. A Grihastha or a Grihini must create wealth, spend, invest and donate it. A householder should protect and nourish family members (wife, children, and elders), educate the children and give charity.
In the Vanaprashta (Retired Life) stage, after children have settled in their lives, the husband and wife retire from proffessional and family responsibilities. Most often they go together on a pilgrimage and settle in a ashram meant for elders. At this stage they devote their time to meditation and spiritual studies.
A Sannyasi (Renounced Life) leaves his / her home and family; leaves his identity, takes up a new name and devotes all of his time to attain enlightenment. The Sannyasis move from town to town teaching and preaching the path of peace.
Among these four stages, the Grihastha Ashram is the longest one. This stage is also the most important stage in the life of an individual as well as for the society. It differs from other ashrams in multiple aspects - This is the only ashram that permits sexual gratification. The only Ashram where you can make money. The only Ashram where Varna is applicable. And it is the only Ashram that supports and maintains the remaining three Ashram.
The Brahmachari, the Vanprasthi and Sannyasi do not create wealth nor do they grow food. All those who are in these three stages receive alms and / or donations from the Grihastha Ashramis. The Grihastashrami's home is this smallest unit of society - it is the family of a husband, a wife and children.
The responsibility of a Grihastashrami is to create progeny that is cultured, educated and becomes a responsible member of the society. In carrying out this responsibility, the role of mother and the role of father is clear. The duties of each member of the family unit are well defined. The ethics, morals to be followed by each are known. The role of a family in the society is defined.
What we see today in the modern times are new Ashrams. New stages of life that have previously not been thought of.
One such new Ashram is a Live-in Relationship. Another one is a same sex marriage. Obviously these are not criminal acts. But then what are these stages of life? Why are these two persons coming together? For what purpose? All such and many other questions regarding this arise, like -
- How will the new stage of benefit the society? What role will it play in the development of the society? What responsibility of the society will it take up?
- what will be the role of each person within this new family? What will be their duties towards the family?
- will these new stages upset the current family system?
To come up with the four fold Ashram Institution, many thought leaders must have discussed and debated over many centuries. It is a result of the hard work of many generations.
Today, actually speaking we have almost forgotten the Vanprastha Ashram, many have given up the social duties of the Grihastashrama while the Brahmachari is busy following fashion, getting addicted, in relationships and crying over break ups rather than the focusing on studies and living a simple life.
Yet, in spite of that, the Ashram structure has survived and even today the family unit forms the strong foundation of the Indian civilization.
Thus, when introducing a new stage of life as a society we must give this a serious thought. The discussions and debates around it must involve those who are the carriers of this ancient culture, it must involve those who officiate weddings etc.
The issue of same sex marriage brings up more questions than answers. For it is not just two people who are involved but their interaction with the rest of the society, and the role that this unit will play in the jigsaw puzzle of our culture.
Deepali Patwadkar
Deepali Patwadkar is an Author and an Artist. She writes and comments on social issues. She is also interested in the Indian studies of the history and cultures, languages, and literature and as such is a part of a subset of Asian studies.